Travel Journal - the photos displayed on this page are not mine, I did not take them.
Tuesday - I did however write this article. (Jess)
I woke up at 5:30 this morning. The waves are crashing down as usual. I slept well last night. My goal for this week is to let go of any kind of reservation or fear I have built up. I want to defeat the fear and not let this weak voice inside of my head control what happens or doesn't happen.
Reflections of my recent break up...
I deserve energy, time, love, thought, consideration and truth. I deserve the love I am able to give myself. I want to focus my attention on just that, harnessing this love I have inside. A two and a half years relationship ended the day I left Canada. I'm just really happy I had the courage to go. There is no other place I'd rather be than where I am right now.
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Today seems like a perfect day for me to surf but I don't really feel like it. The trouble with getting up so early, is nothing is open, leaving me to have to tip toe my way around as I try not to disturb anyone. I think I should find a jungle hut so I can make a lot of noise and do activities no matter the hour.
I finally got talking with Fio this afternoon. It seems like we have a lot in common. We had lunch beside OM Yoga at a place called Tasty Waves. Wow was it ever the perfect timing for us. We both have such similar lives. We bear the weight of those we love most on our shoulders and have an extremely hard time saying, NO.
We both relate in the kind of relationships (long distance) we've experienced. We talked, shared stories and more than that, I believe we both really understood one another. I'm feeling really positive, like things are becoming more comfortable around here.
A gecko just ran in front of my face on my window sill and scared the crap out of me! A swell is coming, the ocean is a fury. Big waves here at Cocles and the current is strong too.
What I learned today from Fio was a beautiful way of describing love and communication.
"To be able to sit down with whoever and say I love you, I hate you (comma) now pass me the salt."
The important part of communication, is trying to understand, to truly listen and to absorb what the other person is saying. Don't take it so personally if it's negative, try to understand why this person is communicating what they are with you, sometimes it just comes out wrong. We are often caught up in a frenzy of emotions when we try to discuss things, but it comes from a need to be heard, to be considered and to feel understood. I feel like for me at least, if anything angers me looking back, it was not feeling like I was heard, considered or understood in my last relationship. That is just my perspective now and the feelings are still fresh. I am going to have to work through a lot of personal issues on this trip that's for sure.
This jounrey is the strengthening of my true self. In order to feel good, loved, safe, confident, peaceful and happy, I need to put time in loving myself. Don't assume. Be open and clear. The ocean is so magestic right now, the rain is coming down, bouncing and trinkling on the tin roof.
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Tomorrow morning I'll spend a good hour on the computer, send e-mails.
Dinner at Clint's-make chicken marinade.
Read, rest, make bracelets.