THE FOREVER WHITE BELT
I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.
- Bruce Lee
I am the forever white belt. Entering every aspect of my life as a student and learning and continuously growing. I will acquire a black belt one day, although it will have meant the white belt in me persevered through much adversity. It will be my time when I have moved through it 10,000 times.
I have come full circle in my experiences lately. A lot of reflection going on with where I'm at in my life.
So many people live without being truly awake. I realized that when I was 18 years old. I got a small taste of this "awakening" I speak of through travel and exploration. I wanted a taste of it for myself.
My addition. It's not cigarettes, not drugs, not alcohol, not sex, not love, not food... truly my addiction was in the need to grow.
I've never experienced a greater high than the satisfaction of when I am able to reach new spiritual heights or depths. I had been out on a journey of self-discovery for so long that I actually became disconnected somewhere along the way.
Recently in speaking to new people coming into my life, what has been prevalent is the openness around topics of a few things: menstrual psychosis (interesting), anxiety, depression and overall, severe insecurity.
"I wish I could be happy" is just about the only thing I can hear being whispered through slick tongues in conversations.
The sadness is in the eyes, the worry in the fidgeting fingers, and shaking hands. It seems as though we are all working SO hard and yet running on NOTHING. We have left our bodies empty, hearts lonely, minds depleted, souls starved. What has happened to us?
Is this another part of the process in awakening? Is there a process?
Where did you go? Where did I go?
In ALL striving, you will ALWAYS find that once you release the need for control, outcomes, expectations, results, or a desired feeling, you will acquire with ease that which you are seeking.
I've come full circle in my search for "more". I can feel a total surrender in my heart and mind.
From the path of least resistance, to the path of most resistance and then once again back to the path of least resistance.
Lesson upon lesson upon lesson.
I think back on what a ride I've already had in my life. Truly extraordinary experiences. I don't ever get a chance to talk about them and so easily the memories are forgotten. Stored away for safe keeping...something like that it seems. I love writing for this specific reason, to realize and remember what is true of my life.
I lived in the jungle, in a hut for weeks...walked barefoot for unknown lengths of times, went without a shower for even longer. Ridden bicycles with girls hanging off the back hitch and handle bars, hugging surfboards as we balanced through rocky, dirt trails in search of quiet, buttery waved beaches. I've trained Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in a black belt World Champions house in Brazil. Climbed mountains to peaks, swam to shore off a sailboat to be cooked lunch by a small indigenous tribe in San Blas, a chain of Islands off the coast of Panama. I have fallen in love, several times. I have found one person who I call my soulmate to share my life with. I have beautiful friendships with people ALL OVER THE GLOBE. I call the universe my home; I'm a citizen of it all. Laid in a hammock with MJ all day watching wave after wave crash on the shore. Danced salsa and merengue as the sweat dripped off my humid body and through my clothes. I've argued in Spanish for 2 hours with a local Argentinian, officially declaring my fluency after that fight. Flown in a helicopter over Iceland, fought in a world championship twice, won...once, lost...once. Had a lot of pleasurrrrable experiences in many countries around the world. Written short books yet to be published. Filled journals upon journals with the stories which are the makings of my life.
These experiences only just scratch the surface of the fondest memories of my life. I realize I've taken them ALL for granted. I've gone big in my life don't get me wrong. Visionary style dreams and goals where people regularly laugh at me and tell me I'm crazy - that's when you know you have wild ideas. The thing is, I haven't been as connected to myself along the way as I would have liked and I know why and yet it's been a huge challenge to overcome my train of thought.
What I'm doing to move through it all?
I signed up for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu last week. I've been training and I can't begin to explain the kind of grounded energy I feel in my life again. It's my great release and my great connection. It's my ego-check. My lesson on humility, respect, patience, skill and in the power of now.
For some of you out there who have been really disconnected with yourself, your life, your work, your relationships, your hobbies and more, I'd like to share this little exercise.
Exercise #1 White Belt
Remember a time in your life when you were the happiest you've ever been.
Think about it, write about it. Talk about how that felt. What made it so good?
Now at what point did that change? Can you think about what switched...what allowed the shift to compromise that joy? The subtle changes in mindset from positive to negative? Was it a massive event or something minor?
Can you move through that event in the present moment of NOW and sooth yourself. Into meditation? Get super focused. When you think about those times of adversity, what would you need to tell yourself or what could you do if you could revisit that moment? Can you trust that you have ALREADY gone through it and allow space, time and energy to replenish your mind, body, heart and soul?
Letting go. As with your breath. Breath in deeply through the nose, and dragon that breath out of your mouth 5-6 times. Each time releasing slower and longer and allowing that to represent your self-compassion, and of you being able to release your grips. You are metaphorically tapping out. Let yourself be freed from all your OWN suffering. You have the power to reset your energy EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY.
How will you reset your energy right now? How can I help you through whatever you are moving through?
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
a human. she loves to create and express through writing/story telling, photography and connecting with other humans. living with passion and forever befriending uncertainty. odd fact . . . she loves to be tickled.